Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
