This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Alive.
So much puke
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize