I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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