I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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