You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sober January is a disaster.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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