I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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