I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
