At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
