I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
