This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
