Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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