i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
