Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize