so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
