I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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