DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
