garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
