No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
