What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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