The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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