I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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