dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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