i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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