apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
