Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
