So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
