Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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