dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
