He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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