I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
