I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
