He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
