I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
