omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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