we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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