I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
