Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the day after is always just damage control
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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