I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
