my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
