Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
