She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
