This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
