So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
