We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize