You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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