After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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