ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize