I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
