He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
