god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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