I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
