Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up under a house in Key West
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