he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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