K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
