my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
