Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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