Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
