The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
