I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
