May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
